Ask DateYourselfGirl: Would You Date a Man With KIDSSS?

9-Apr-2016

 

 

I had a conversation with a DYG follower about her current dating situation...She's been dating an older man for a couple years and recently they have gotten engaged.  They have also decided to start a business together, which sounds exciting but there's an issue, he has kids.  And not one or two or even three kids but six ADULT children.  Phew, that's quite a handful but kids shouldn't prevent you from being able to have a healthy, happy, and sustainable relationship.  Now, if you have met someone with children you must be prepared for resistance and delayed acceptance.  You must remember that children are very overprotective of their parents and when there is a break in the family structure that creates more grounds for overprotective behavior.  You should be in no rush to fit into the family equation, don't force a relationship on the kids but make an attempt to create a healthy, blended family environment.  This allows all parties involved a chance to get to know one another, at their own pace, AND gives each person a chance to set healthy boundaries.  Remember, you are entering into an already established family so building a connection may take some time.  Also keep in mind that YOU are a valuable asset to this new family structure but there are some things to consider...Here's what we shared! 

 

Octavia:  Would you date a man with 6 grown kids?

 

DYG:  I don't mind a man who has children however 6 children is a lot. I would have to ask if they are all from a previous marriage or are they from different women. That plays a huge part in how they will behave toward you. But more importantly what kind of father is/was he? Does he still value quality time with his children? Does he spend a lot of his money on his children? How does he speak about their mother(s)? And how does he treat you? Does he make plans with you and follow through with them? Is he considerate of your time? Is he thoughtful? Do you enjoy him on a deeper level than just a physical level? What are his intentions? Does he plan on marrying again or if he has never been married would he now consider it? If you want children, is he willing to have more children? That's key because why waste time with someone who doesn't have the same life goals as you? I hope this is helpful...please send me more questions or comments. Thanks so much!!!

 

Octavia:  Yes yes and yesssssss thanks girl.  Hes 52 he's in all his kids lives.  He treats me good serves me like his queen.  We connected on a mental, physical, and spiritual that is the three keys in our relationship. Yes he wants more kids, he's only been married once, and all his kids are by different women.   Yes, I want kids but will not have any until there is a ring on my finger. The only thing with me is even though all the kids are grown he still has contact with his baby mothers and I don't want them jumping on me disrespecting me.  The fact that all these women are his baby mothers bothers me.  We are both happy ...the past is the past...my problem is I can't seem to get over it.  

 

DYG:  Ok. Have you had an open and honest discussion with him about your feelings? In the event that any of these women step out of line he will be aware of it and should put them in their place...respectfully of course.  I think if you discuss your concerns about them without coming across as being confrontational, not sayin you are but men are as sensitive as we are so we have to stroke them with gentleness, he should understand and want nothing but to make you feel comfortable and confident that he has your back. I'm glad that he would consider having a family with you and you both are friends enough to even start a business together.  That's the best place to start is a friendship and once that foundation is set you both should be able to face any situation like adults.  Communication, however, is the key to this relationship working.  Be honest about these other owmen in his life. I mean they are the mothers of his children so he must communicate with them but he needs to make sure that his kids and their mothers are clear that you are his woman and you two are serious and are planning a future together and respecting you is an absolute MUST!!!

 

Octavia:  Wow thanks so much, my sister, for your amazing advice.  I was actually feeling down for a while. Thought I was wrong for being with a man that has previous baby mothers.  People talked about me and I let it get to me.  You made me feel better Tracey you made me feel that their is nothing to worry about and to absolutely be completely honest about however I feel because like you said communication is the key you made me feel that their is nothing wrong and forget what ppl think and just focus on leaving our legacy for the next generation.  

 

DYG:  Girl don't allow others to dictate your feelings. How you feel about someone isn't their concern & if they can't be supportive of your decision to be with this man then keep your vision for this relationship for you & your man!  Friends & family love & care for us but I've learned that sometimes you can't share your dreams, vision, ideas with everyone because they can keep us from birthing those dreams, visions, & ideas!  If you are Happy & healthy then I'm in support of it!  That's what matters the most to me!  Don't allow what other people to say dictate your path.  Just remember to stay on your spirtiual path and don't forget about you in the process!  Trust me when I say I understand where you are. I am here to encourage and inspire not to pass judgement.

 

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