After Christmas ends I can't help but notice how the stores quickly change their decorations from Christmas trees and wreaths to heart shaped boxes of chocolates and balloons with "I Love You" & "Be Mine" on them. And is it just me but does it seem like EVERYONE is getting engaged, married, and/or having a baby? I don't know what it is but it seems like the things I desire most become reality in the lives of the ones closest to me. Don't get me wrong, I celebrate all of my friends successes in their careers and most importantly their relationships, but I can't help but notice that everyone seems to be enjoying the best chapters of their lives right now ...the LOVE chapters.
This year will mark my 4th year as a single woman, without a Valentine. But this year is different for some reason. This year I don't care that I am single. I mean, I care because eventually I want a companion but I'm not going to allow this single, solitary day to consume my thoughts! Besides, this year has had so many dating disappointments that I'm actually looking forward to dedicating this Valentine's Day to loving myself MORE. On this day I am making a vow to focus on what brings me joy, laughter, & light and if that means spending this day alone then so be it. I spend most of the year alone anyway so this really should be a breeze, right?
The reason DateYourselfGirl even got started was because there was a need for me to be reminded of how valuable I am. I wanted to rediscover my inner & outer beauty, rebuild my self esteem, & rededicate my life to loving myself more. Over the past 2 1/2 years, I have spent a lot of my singledom talking to other singles about dating and relationships and I've come to the realization that it is becoming increasingly harder. I'm even hearing women say that they are avoiding the dating scene all together. No online dating, no speed dating, no meet-ups...No NOTHING! Women seem to be avoiding dating all together. Dating should be something that women look forward to but instead it's becoming a dreaded task. It's almost like men have forgotten what it's like to truly woo a woman or just don't feel the need to go out of their way to make a woman feel special...without any expectations. The rules to dating have drastically changed. We no longer get picked up but instead we are told to meet somewhere. We are no longer given flowers or chocolate, as a matter of fact, gift giving without an expectation is rare. Oh and sex before a relationship is definitely an expectation so holding out becomes shunned upon. Not in all cases but a lot more than I realized. I cannot begin to tell you how many men have stopped talking to me because I didn't sleep with them right away or after 3 or 4 outings. Who knew that waiting would be an undesirable trait in a woman?
Well, this Valentines Day I'm going back to where it all started...to LOVING MYSELF! I found myself being consumed by the whole dating scene that I went back to some old habits and old ways of thinking. After a few duds, I could hear the doubt creep back into my mind. After several failed attempts at putting myself in the dating pool, I began a cycle of negative thinking. You know that "I'm not this enough" or "I'm not that enough" conversation you begin to have in your head? I began telling myself that I was the problem and that I was not lovable. And that's definitely not TRUE!!! So, this Valentine's Day I will reflect on this day of LOVE by showing myself some much needed TLC. I will not allow it to drown me with thoughts of self loathing and I won't allow the happiness that others share to get me down. Today I am rededicating myself to the mission of empowering myself through positive thinking, positive actions, and by uplifting others. Besides, there's so much more I want to discover in my city & so many adventures I have put on hold because I've been waiting on LOVE to come calling. No more! It's time to get back to making me happy again and through my journey I hope that you will rededicate yourself to loving you a little more, as well! So, don't forget that it's ok to DateYourselfGirl on Valentine's Day!