Have you ever been in a relationship that suddenly ended and gone over in your head where YOU went wrong? I know I have. As I've gotten older I have come to the realization that it is necessary to do self-evaluations. A check-in so to speak. It's important to evaluate your level of commitment in your career, with your family and friends, and your intimate relationship with your significant other. It might even help to have some check-in questions readily available when you think it's time to assess your "performance" execution.
1. Are you putting forth enough effort to
sustain a happy, healthy environment?
2. Are you effectively communicating your wants and needs?
3. Are you holding yourself accountable when your performance isn't above standard?
But what happens when you are the only one checking in? I just had a friend tell me about her recent break up and I asked her all these questions. And of course I was told that she did her portion of checking in and self evaluating. She even revealed times where she had to put herself in a "time out" for neglecting the wants and needs of her mate, which is commendable. Not too many of us want to admit when we are the one who's wrong and actually decide to put in the effort to rectify the situation. But the thing that resonated most with me is when she was beating herself up. She was trying to figure out where things went wrong by making her the sole party responsible for the demise of her relationship. You know what it's like when things go awry in a relationship. You spend countless, sleepless nights questioning who you are and your value to your significant other as if to say you weren't enough or good enough for them to put forth the effort to sustain the relationship. I'm here to tell you that sometimes it's not you. Sometimes you get into these situations with people who lack the capacity to hold themselves accountable because, let's face it, accountability requires one to admit their fault(s). And I've learned that accountability is one BIG, HARD pill to swallow.
In my experience, I've learned that the only way for someone to recognize the value you bring to their lives is to walk away. Place the necessary distance and time between the two of you so they can have a reality check. Sometimes that is just what they need to see that the relationship cannot be one sided and that it takes two to put in the work to sustain a happy, healthy love relationship. Hard work is the key to being successful in anything and if they don't want to get in the mud with you then they weren't worth your time anyway.
So for those of you who are doing your due diligence and checking in and holding yourself accountable STOP beating yourself up. You are way too good, way too beautiful, way too smart, and way too worth it to allow someone else to make you feel less than. As long as you are holding up your end of the bargain you can never be the one who falls short. So continue to trust in the person you've become and always continue to do the self work because in due season the one that recognizes your value will be the catch of a lifetime! So in the meantime continue to DATEYOURSELFGIRL!!!