We've all been there before. You see an Ex on the Gram or someone brings their name up in casual conversation or maybe you run into them as you're out on the town. They're looking better than you remember and doing well and you cannot help but reminisce on all the good times you shared. The late night phone calls, flirtatious text messages, romantic dinners, gatherings with friends and family, times you laughed at the silliest things, and of course the nights with good ole "Netflix and Chill" a.k.a. "Sex and Chill". I've found that, when I'm constantly thinking about what once was, those are some of my loneliest moments. The longing turns into wishful thinking that there could be a chance of reconciliation.
Nine times out of ten, the person(s) we're longing for isn't good for us or our personal growth. Instead of fixating on all the good try to evaluate the things that made the situation crumble. Were you damaging the relationship by allowing yourself to get too consumed with making your partner happy? Were there red flags that you ignored but because the sex was good you chose to stick it out? Did they devalue you or disrespect you by neglecting your needs or even being unfaithful? OR were the two of you just not compatible but you decided to lie dormant in a relationship for fear o having to start over or even worse be alone?
Okay, here's my truth...I had a minor setback in January. My Ex text me and asked me to spend a couple days with him during New Year's. I immediately responded back and jumped at the opportunity to bring in the New Year with him. Why? Well, at one point he was thought to be the love of my life and quite honestly I hadn't made a strong enough connection with anyone else so my options were ZERO. My thought process was that I didn't want to spend yet another New Year with a bunch of strangers and then be in bed by 1 a.m., ALONE! The trip was AMAZING and well planned out. Our days were spent touring Los Angeles and dining at the best restaurants and our nights were filled with passion. When I got back home I was on cloud nine and truly felt like there was a chance of reconciliation. But boy was I wrong! Not even two weeks later I found out he had been sleeping with someone I knew. Not just a woman I had heard of either but someone I had spent time with mentoring and hanging out with. I was extremely disappointed and then I thought about all the times he'd done something so careless in the past. His track record preceded him so why would it be any different now?
See ladies, going back should never be an option and returning a text, call, or DM from an Ex never quite turns out the way we'd hope. Even Lot's wife found out the hard way. Looking back will paralyze you and stop you dead in your tracks. Looking back will keep you in a backwards state of mind and have you thinking and acting like the "Old You". And like my Granny always says, "If you already know the outcome, why would you do it?" That is a gem that I must say I've failed to pay attention to. Being alone isn't always a bad thing because that is the time for you to HEAL and GROW. Heal from those past scars, broken relationships, and negative thoughts and Grow into a complete individual who knows that they are an addition not a subtraction. So in the mean time, in between time...DateYourselfGirl!!!