After being on this journey of self-actualization I have come to realize that your work is never done. NO matter how many counseling sessions I've been to, church sermons I've heard, or dates I've taken myself on I have realized that there's still so much I have to do in order to be the best me possible. This became more evident in my recent attempt at finding true love. I started dating with the intent to find love about a year and a half ago. My friends will say that that's always been my intent but for me that's not true because truthfully ladies I've been operating in fear. Fear of rejection, fear that I'm not good enough, fear that I won't overcome my fears. Fear has been my guide this whole time and quite frankly it's been leading me on a path of relationship destruction. How, you ask? Well, every time I meet a man who I deem to be relationship material I approach him by always waiting for the ball to drop. I am always waiting on the end of the relationship as opposed to taking it one day at a time and getting the opportunity to learn and enjoy the other individual. I say things like, "I'm the Queen of the 90 day relationship." or "Men don't take the time to get to know me so I know this time won't be any different." But what's worse is that I say and do things to men that make them not want to get to know me. I make it easy for them to not see the value in me. Now, don't get me wrong, I have met some scum bags in the past. Men who have approached me with an ulterior motive in mind. But I've noticed that the relationships with great potential are ruined by my actions and things that I allow to come out of my mouth. Let me be clear, I go above and beyond for my potential mate. Sometimes I do a little too much too soon, THAT I am aware of. But instead of me waiting to be pursued I rush into a situation and when it doesn't go my way I say things that I don't mean. That, ladies, is a turn off. YES, we should be pursued and desired and shown love but not everyone operates at the same pace and level of your expectation. This independent woman movement has taught us to stand up for ourselves, to be independent of anyone else, and to be empowered by our womanhood but what it has failed to do is to prepare us for an inclusive lifestyle. So I have come up with 3 great ways to govern yourself as you are in pursuit of relationship happiness:
1. Be honest with yourself about yourself. Stop making excuses for your behavior and do something to change it. We cannot be comfortable with who we are when we keep reaping negative results. Your way of thinking and behaving determines how you speak and deal with others so change your thoughts and watch how easy it is for you to foster healthy relationships.
2. Put FEAR on the shelf. Don't allow your past pain, hurt, or disappointment to keep you from experiencing the best life and relationships have to offer. There's a lesson to be learned from our past and we should move forward accordingly. Of course we should recognize those things that didn't serve us but we must also learn how to communicate to others in such a way that it doesn't push them away.
Once you've forgiven yourself for all the negative experiences and negative things you've told yourself about you, your life becomes easier to navigate. You learn how to love yourself even more and when you love yourself more it shows. Self-Love has a more positive effect on your relationships with other people because when other people see that you value yourself they won't help but to love you back in return!
So in the mean time in between time, continue to overcome your fears by working through them. When you face your fears head on your emotional walls begin to start to fall and you become more FREE. And there's nothing better than living your truth so do the work and remember to DateYourselfGirl!!!