If you are anything like me you live for the day a man or woman asks you on a date, picks you up, brings flowers or candy, opens doors, and delights in your sheer presence. I remember when being “courted” by a gentleman was a thing. I know some of you are thinking that being "courted" is a thing of the past and women should adapt to this new dating era. But I can’t help but question how things changed so drastically? When did women become the aggressor and men become the pursued? I cannot tell you how many times a man has told me that women today are “too masculine” and should operate more in their “femininity”. But how can we be expected to be soft when the dating climate requires us to do so many of the things men have traditionally done? Listen, I’m NOT opposed to adapting to the times. In fact, I like doing for a man I’m interested in but ONLY if the sentiment is reciprocated. I don’t want to be the only one initiating everything from calls/texts, date ideas, thoughtful gestures, etc. There MUST be some reciprocity. But I'd be lying to you if I said I'm not filled with anxiety when it comes to the new rules of the dating game.
So, if you are in the same boat as me here are three tips to keep you in the new dating game but won’t have you feeling exhausted by it:
1). Set Your Own Communication Boundaries. When texting and DM’ing has become the major form of communication you can get overwhelmed. Sometimes your tone or intention can get misconstrued. So to avoid any missteps give yourself some boundaries. Set how many texts you are willing to initiate that way you are showing the person you are interested or thinking about them but are not feeling like the only one reaching out. It also helps you to establish consistent communication. And once you’ve reached your limit you can request to speak to the person on the phone or face to face. That way you are establishing a balance in the many ways you can stay connected.
2). Be Thoughtful But Don’t Get Used. Women it is okay to show someone that you appreciate them without being taken advantage of. Yes, it is okay to buy someone a thoughtful gift and you can do so without breaking the bank. I have found that thoughtful gifts or gestures go a long way. It shows that you are being attentive to the other persons needs and desires. It also shows that you are a good listener and I know we all could use some practice in that area. I’m just saying. But on the flip side, I want you to pay attention to whether or not the other person is doing the same for you. If you find yourself doing more, pull back and allow them to do some of the giving. We will no longer participate in one sided relationships!
3). Be Explicit About Your Dating Goals & Expectations. With there being so many dating options you may be reluctant to share your true feelings. You may feel reluctant to be honest about your dating goals and expectations for fear of running your potential suitor off. But I say, if your sharing of your expectations runs someone away then good riddance. As we get older, our time becomes more precious. Don’t waste time in relationships that are not going in the direction you desire for yourself. This helps you weed out the “situationships” and empowers you to draw what you truly deserve…LOVE!
Listen ladies, I too am struggling with the new dating game. I don't think it should be a game at all. We should be able to enjoy getting to know someone without all the pressures of today. But remember that there’s nothing wrong with adapting to the times and I believe implementing these three tips will help you feel better about putting yourself out there. And if you are a traditionalist and don't feel the need to make any adjustments to your dating style, that's okay too. Do what works for you. Don't compromise your beliefs or ways of being just to conform to what the masses are doing. Your time will come and when it does none of these dating games will even matter. So in the meantime in between time remember to DateYourselfGirl!