What Do the Lonely Do During the Holidays?

I don't mean to start off crass but F**** the weight of expectation during the holidays! In many Black families and communities, tradition runs deep. We cherish connection, celebrate hard work, and value love and partnerships. My grandparents were married for 61 and 47 years and the only reason their marriages ended was because my grandfathers passed away. I know, that was a different era, but the point is that relationships have always been important in my family.

But when you’re single during the holidays, especially as a Black woman, those values can sometimes turn into quiet pressures. I’m in my mid-40s, and yet again, I’ll be walking through my parents’ door as a single, never-been-married, never-bore-children, barely-been-courted woman. It’s a constant reminder of how incomplete my life’s story can feel but it doesn’t have to be that way. Look, being single during the holidays can be daunting BUT here are some ways to experience the seasonal JOY:

• Create Your Own Traditions

  The truth is, being single isn’t a waiting room, it’s a season of its own. It’s a time to build, breathe, and just BE. It’s the perfect time to create your own traditions. Who says you need a partner to hang ornaments or sip hot chocolate by the fire? Put on your favorite onesie and bump your favorite playlist (mine usually includes 112, Jodeci, Dru Hill, Brandy, and a little Mary J. Blige), pour yourself something festive and make the night yours. You decide what your version of “merry” looks like.

• Reclaim the Magic

  Listen, Christmas doesn’t lose its magic when you’re single, it just requires you to create your own magic. Maybe it’s blasting old-school R&B Christmas music while decorating your space. (You know we ALL love to hear the soulful sound of "In my mind..." sung so beautifully by Dennis Edwards of the Temptations.) Maybe it’s treating yourself to that gift you’ve been eyeing all year. Or maybe it’s gathering your friends for a night of games, laughter, food, and FUN. Whatever you do, make that magic your own. You have the power to redefine what the Merry in Christmas means for you. And if that looks like watching Christmas movies and eating Bon Bon's all day, then do it. If it means taking a solo trip out the country, then do it. If it means walking into your family's home with your head held high and loving the singledom you are in, then by all means, DO IT!!!

• Choosing Yourself, Again and Again

  I say this a lot on this blog but there’s something deeply sacred about self-love during the holidays. It’s the quiet moment when you light a candle, drink a cocktail, and realize "I am enough". You don’t need matching pajamas with anyone to prove your worth. You are already whole, already radiant, already deserving of love in all its forms. This Christmas, celebrate your wholeness. Celebrate the love you pour into others, the joy you bring into all spaces, and the grace you extend to yourself. And PLEASE extend yourself some grace because the world hasn't been so kind lately.

• A Season of Gratitude AND Giving

  Being a single Black woman during Christmas isn’t about loneliness it’s about awareness. Awareness of who you are becoming, what you value, and how you choose to show up in the world. Gratitude turns what we have into enough, and for many of us, that’s the greatest gift of all. But more importantly gratitude opens your heart to GIVING! That is one thing DateYourselfGirl lives by...the power of giving back. And it's not because you’re trying to fill a void, but because serving others fills your spirit. Volunteer, donate, or simply show up for someone who might be feeling alone or even forgotten. I know standing in the gap, for those in need, definitely brings me joy!

So here’s to peace, purpose, peppermint mocha lattes, laughter that fills the room, boundaries that protect your peace, and to the beauty of walking your path at your own divine pace. Especially during the holidays. Because you are not waiting for love you're living it. So in the meantime in between time remember to DateYourselfGirl!