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Single Birthday Blues

It's another year and I have found myself struggling with the idea that I am still Single. Since

this DYG journey began, I have had my share of meaningless dates and "situationships". Nothing too serious enough for me to think about settling down. A bunch of inconsistent men who are not looking for anything worth while, old hook ups, and me waiting on the one that got away to resurface.

Unfortunately, I have come to the realization that dating in your 40's is much more complicated and daunting than when you are in your 20's and 30's. When you are a 20 something you are taking life as it comes, playing the field, having fun without concern of consequences (living the life Fandango as I say). When you are in your 30's you are still on the road of self discovery and enjoying your freedoms but are looking for a little more stability in your dating relationships. However, if it doesn't happen you aren't letting the anxiety of being single set in just yet. But in your 40's dating is a race to the finish line. By this time you've watched your friends get married, have kids, get divorce, and remarried again while you are still sitting in the singles waiting room. By 40 you have come to the actualization of self, at least you should be close to it. You've been there, done that, got the t-shirt. You've kissed enough frogs to know what you desire from your companion like consistent and effective communication, consideration of your time, thoughtful dates, stimulating conversations, mutually vested interest in each others dreams/passions, and of course intimacy that expands beyond the physical (but don't get it twisted SEX is also an important part of intimacy).

As I embark on another year as a single woman, in a city that doesn't have the best dating reputation, I have grown increasingly anxious about what my life will be without having someone I can experience a true love with. It's scary to think that I will find contentment in being alone. Let's face it, when you are single you develop a way of navigating through life independently. And being an "independent woman" is not a badge of honor I wear like a Girl Scout, it's just the way I have had to be in order to survive. And as my Birthday approaches I have been thinking on ways to celebrate myself without being fixated on my relationship status. Here are some ideas I have and hopefully they will help you as you plan for your "Single B-Day":

  • Single Staycation-With inflation taking a toll on a lot of our bank accounts most of us are taking a closer look at our finances. This may cause us to rethink the way we travel. I'd recommend taking a budget friendly Birthday excursion in your city or a city close to you. I love renting a two day Airbnb or Vrbo that allows you access to a pool, walking/biking trails, nightlife, shopping, and spa treatments. This gets you out of your side of town and forces you to explore parts of the city you may not have considered. You'd be amazed all the amazing things your own city has to offer and who knows you might even put yourself in position to meet new people.

  • Single Self-Transformation Vacation-These retreats have proven to help calm ones soul. They provide activities that are dedicated to your own personal growth and development like meditation, Yoga, life coaching, massages, organic dining, and other tools to help you become a better you. Spending a week(end) on a transformation resort just might be the thing you need to reflect on your life, rediscover yourself, and regroup for your amazing future.

  • See One of Your Favorite Singers or Bands-With outside opening back up I've noticed there are a lot more live music venues like City Winery and outdoor amphitheatres expanding their artist/band rosters. Get your hair did, hire a make-up artist, put on that sexy black dress, and take yourself to see your favorite singer. There's something about good music that speaks to the heart of people. I believe music is restoration for ones soul. It takes you on a ride of nostalgia and often opens your mind to what your future could hold. And if you can't find someone to tag along, don't miss out on a musical experience that could give your heart, mind, and soul the dose of melody you've been craving for.

  • Plan a Kickback with Friends of Both Sexes: This is a great way to mix and mingle with people you feel safe being yourself. Have it catered with your favorite foods, libations, music, and of course adult friendly games like Questions or Battle of the Sexes to spark friendly debate and lots of laughter. A kickback is exactly that, a great way to kick back on your own terms.

Listen, Birthdays should be celebrated at every age and every stage in your life. And being Single on your Birthday shouldn't be deemed as a negative thing. When you wake up on your Birthday you should thank God for the life you've been gifted and reflect on how far you've come. This singles journey is not an easy one but it is definitely helping to shape you into the kind of woman you can be proud of AND the kind of wife that is deserving of an unconditional love. So don't settle for less than you deserve...blow out all those candles and trust that your wish will come true...but in its own timing. So in the meantime, enjoy your "Singledom" and as always remember to DateYourselfGirl!-Tracey B.

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