How to Avoid the "Situationship Cycle"
You ever wondered why the men you’re dating or are interested in won’t commit to a relationship with you? Well, I know I have. I cannot tell you how many men have put me on a "Situationship Cycle". You know, when you’re doing all the relationship things like going out to dinner, going to the movies, planning trips, hanging out with friends, Having sex… But he still hasn't solidified your relationship status. You may even play it off and say things like,"I don’t do titles" or "We are taking it slow" or "I’m not a traditional girl anyway". Trust me Girl, I've been there done that, got the t-shirt. But after it's all said and done all we really want is for someone to claim us. We desire that connection, that "person" to call our own. Well, I’m here to help you...and ME...identify the behaviors we exhibit that may disqualify us as being considered number one in that special someone's life. Ladies, we ARE truly worth someone feeling honored to have us as a partner, companion, lover, friend, mate...but let's face it there ares some behaviors we are doing to block that from becoming a reality.
Here are FIVE behaviors we should be aware of when dating:
Number One: Don't be overly accessible too soon. Notice I said "too soon" and the reason why is because accessibility aids in getting to know someone. If you’re not accessible to them why even bother? You'll just be wasting your time and their‘s. But where a lot of women fail, including myself, is when we are always available to them when they are demonstrating that they aren’t always available to us. A man likes to chase…So having your own identity and maintaining your own schedule leaves a man wanting you more because you are your own woman. There’s nothing more unattractive than a woman who makes a man a priority when he hasn't proven to be worthy of that treatment. Take your time when getting to know someone. Tap into your feelings and be ready to identify when it's lust or infatuation. Once you are able to do that you will be able to move at a pace that will have you both in sync.
Number Two: Stop allowing a man to only see you indoors. What do I mean by that? You go to his place and he comes to your place but you never make it outside those four walls. See, when a man is truly interested in you he chooses to make memories with you. This is done by experiencing new things OUTSIDE of the home. He will not want to keep you a secret and will make the effort to go on meaningful dates. Netflix and chill is not a date. It's a cheap way to get intimate with a woman without demonstrating real intentions. And remember, men will be intimate with you just to have a sexual experience with you. So the next time a man asks you on a date at his place you politely tell him to meet you outside!!!
Number Three: Be aware when a man is playing double dutch with your feelings. We all know the guy who is super interested in the beginning. He's constantly calling, texting, sending funny memes, and taking you out. For the first ninety days he's all in but then all of a sudden he goes ghost for a couple weeks because he’s "too busy" OR he makes plans with you and cancels at the last minute and doesn't reschedule. Then when he's ready he resurfaces like he hasn't missed a beat. You have to start all over again and he repeats the cycle stringing you along with no real sense of commitment. Don't let him do that anymore ladies. When a man ghosts you, you let him stay right where he is. You are not a revolving door where men can come and go as they please. We are to teach others how to treat us and the best way to end that cycle is to close the revolving door for good. As a matter of fact, double bolt that door and throw away the key.
Number Four: Notice when a man is being short with you. When a man is interested in you he will communicate and not just by texting or sending funny DM‘s but he will call you and ask questions about you. He will demonstrate a true investment in getting to know you, the person, by having long, dynamic conversations. Men who are interested in you want to know more than your favorite color or your birthday. They will want to know what brings you joy and what plans you have for the future because they will want to be a part of that.
Number Five: This is probably the most important and that is a man’s actions will match his words. So pay close attention to what a man does after he has spit game to you and whispered those sweet nothings in your ear. Don't get me wrong, we have all said one thing and done the other at some point in our lives. That’s human behavior but when it becomes habitual that’s a character flaw. It simply reiterates that the level of interest is not that of a commitment. When a mate does what they say it only helps in establishing trust, dependability, loyalty, and healthy communication. A tell tell sign of a noncommittal man is one who tells you he's going to take you somewhere or do something for you and doesn't follow through. I like to call those kind of men, "Mr. Tell Me Anything". So avoid noncommittal relationships at all costs by paying attention to their words AND actions!
Being a participant in the "Situationship Cycle" is beyond frustrating. It's exhausting. It plays a number on your mental and emotional health. Knowing your emotions are being toyed with is a tough pill to swallow...even for me. But it was necessary that I call out these chronic behaviors that seem to attract men who don't value relationships the way we do. Besides, we don't have time to waste on meaningless, noncommittal "situationships". Ladies, I speak into the universe that we meet someone who values us for the dynamic women we are. And I encourage you to stop playing around with the ones who have one foot in and one foot out of our lives. It's okay to take your time and fully vet a relationship. AND in the meantime in between time, it's always ok to DateYourselfGirl!