Things I Wish I Knew About Perimenopause — and How This Knowledge Is Helping Me Heal

In my 30s and early 40s, when I first heard the word Perimenopause, I shrugged it off. I thought it was something that would creep up quietly in my 50s. A few hot flashes here ("WHERE THEM FAAAANS AT?!"), a missed period or two there, then menopause, right? How bad could it really be, right? I had no idea it would feel like a mental and physical rollercoaster that no one prepared me for. Why didn't someone tell me about this sooner? And where are the support circles and YouTube videos that can help me navigate this?

Let me say this loud and clear: "Perimenopause is a real life(style) changer, and it’s not just about your period stopping. That's just a very small part of the entire "experience". It impacts nearly every part of your life; your mind, your mood, your body, your identity. And if you’re going through it, you’re not crazy, lazy, or weak. You’re changing. And change is hard to grapple with, even when it’s natural. So I want to share few of the things I wish someone had told me earlier:

What I Wish I Knew Before Perimenopause Hit

1.  The Physical Changes May Put a "Pause" in Your Dating Life

The unexplained weight gain, bloating and water retention has been WILD, especially around the middle part of my body. The joint pain I'm experiencing makes me feel 80 years old and unable to move at times. Breast tenderness is ongoing. Weird, shifts in PMS symptoms and unpredictable period cycles has made it difficult to plan my day to day and that causes me so much unwanted anxiety. And the hardest part has been the Body Dysmorphia. Looking in the mirror and not recognizing myself has me not only avoiding all mirrors and windows but it also has me choosing not to go out because deciding what to wear has become a daunting task. I literally feel like a stranger in my own skin and that alone has caused me to retreat and shy away from my dating life.

2. Brain Fog Is a Thing...and It’s Scary

There have been days I couldn’t remember simple things: names, appointments, what I walked into the room for. I started doubting my sharpness, my abilities, even my worth. And to be transparent, after losing my beloved Granny to Alzheimers, I thought I was experiencing the early stages of dementia. No one told me how hormonal shifts could impact my memory and focus. And part of being a professional actor depends on my ability to memorize my lines. How would I sustain? I thought I was losing my mind.

3. Mood Swings Can Be Brutal

My sign is Cancer so natrually I feel all the feels with no prompting. But with Perimenopause, I would find myself crying over commercials, snapping at loved ones, and then feeling ashamed for being so reactive. I started questioning my sanity. The emotional rollercoaster felt unlike me until I learned that fluctuating estrogen levels can seriously affect neurotransmitters like serotonin. This wasn’t just emotional. It was biological. And felt like there was/is no end in sight.

4. It’s Not Just ‘Menopause Lite’...It’s a Whole Season

Did you know that Perimenopause can last anywhere from 4 to 10 years? That’s not a blip in time, that’s a decade of change, challenge, and (hopefully) growth...HOPEFULLY. I didn’t expect that because who has time for that? I thought this was going to be a brief phase, not a full-blown transformation.

How This Knowledge Is Helping Me Take Back My Power

The more I’ve learned, the more empowered I'm becoming. While I’m still walking through the thick of it, I’m discovering tools that are helping me heal mentally, physically, and emotionally.

1. I’m Learning to Give Myself Grace

I’ve stopped calling myself "lazy" when I’m tired or "dumb" when I forget something, or "crazy" when I have a mood swing. I remind myself: This is hormonal. This is not who I am, it’s what I’m experiencing. That mental shift alone has helped me breathe again.

2. I’m Honoring My Body, Not Fighting It

Instead of punishing my body for changing, I’m learning to support it. That means anti-inflammatory foods, gentle movement (even on those days where I feel stiff), and yes buying clothes that fit my body now, not the one I had five years ago. See, Perimenopause made me question my worth and beauty but now I'm starting to see it as a rite of passage. I’m not just aging. I’m evolving. I’m shedding old versions of myself. And as hard as that is, I'm accepting it.

3. I’ve Built a Self-Care Toolbox

These are a few things helping me manage symptoms and reconnect with myself:

• Working out & stretching for joint pain and mental clarity.

• Multivitamins, omega-3s, and lots of H2O (with my doctor’s guidance).

• Journaling to track patterns in mood, symptoms, and day to day activity.

• Weight training to combat the belly fat and bone loss.

• Therapy and community because talking about it makes it so much less isolating.

If you’re still reading this blog and feeling overwhelmed, I see you. In my best Michael Jackson voice, (clears throat) "You are Noooooot Aloooooone"! I am you. And I want you to know that this journey doesn’t have to be one of silent suffering. It can be one of deep self-discovery, healing, and yes — even self-love. That’s what DYG is all about. Choosing yourself again and again, even when your body and mind are changing. Especially then. Let’s keep talking about this amongst ourselves and to the younger women who are not thinking about Perimenopause in the future. Let’s normalize it. Let’s support each other through it. You’re not going crazy. You’re just transforming into a better version of yourself. And you deserve tenderness, understanding, and tools to thrive through it all. So in the meantime in between time, always remember to "DateYourselfGIrl"!