Updated: Feb 14
I cannot begin to tell you how many times I've been told that I may be intimidating, to men, and that may be a reason I am Single. HUH? What does that mean? Intimidating? Well, that prompted me to look up the definition of intimidation because maybe I misunderstood it or thought it meant something different. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary the definition of intimidation is: "Intimidation-To make timid or fearful: Frighten; especially : to compel or deter by or as if by threats."
Wow! I frighten men? I deter by threats? Oh my goodness I am a real life Aileen Wuornos, from the movie Monster. But apparently my social media persona and the way I carry myself make me a threat. People look at my life and think that I've got it together and don't NEED the partnership of a mate. People think that I am happy living my life as a Single woman and don't NEED a man so that prevents me from fostering long term relationships. Well, I'm here to unapologetically say that I don't NEED a man to validate who I am but I do NEED a PARTNER to share my life with. Someone who will be a cheerleader for me as I would for him. Someone who supports my dreams and will push me to achieve my goals. A man who is secure in who he is and isn't intimidated by my career or what he thinks my career entails. A man who is willing to introduce me to new ideas and who wants to discover all the good that life has to offer. I want a man who sees my character and it makes him say, "Wow! What did I do to deserve a woman like her? She helps motivate me to be a better me. She is a powerhouse and the two of us together is a dangerous combination."
It wasn't until I thought about some examples of what "Partnership" looks like. I have two very close male friends and they have allowed me to be apart of their lives so closely that I am even better friends with their wives. And If you think men and women can't be friends then you're sadly mistaken. Some of my most healthy friendships are with men. The only time I believe men and women cannot be friends is when one or both parties share an attraction to the other and they begin to act on that attraction. But that's a blog for another day. The point is, that I have witnessed them have a "partnership" with their wives. Both of whom are beautiful, strong, self-sufficient, entrepreneurial minded women. Their husbands see them as an asset to their legacy. Not one time have they questioned themselves because their wives are moving up the career ladder. They are by their sides in support of their goals and quite frankly her goals become his goals because at the end of the day they both want each other to win. But what I admire most about their relationship is that it is a "partnership". My friends have come to understand the successful operation of their family isn't a one man show and their wives bring value to the relationship that help them to endure the tough times and sustain during the good times. And it isn't just their ability to bring money into the household that helped them to sustain a healthy household, these women have character traits that are representative of a helpmate...an asset. They have learned how to share their knowledge and skills with their mate, which essentially makes their household stronger. They have mastered how to effectively communicate to their mate, which allows them to be more open and honest with one another. Finally, they've learned to love their mate unconditionally, which allows them to BE without constraint. Ladies, all that you are and have worked hard to become IS an asset. Don't let anyone tell you different. Your educational and professional accomplishments have helped to mold who you are but you are so much more. While having a stacked bank account helps you to sustain a higher quality of life, status only allows people to see the surface of who you are. Your ability to share ALL of who you are is what makes you the ultimate asset. What you bring to the table should never be viewed as intimidating. So, don't dumb yourself down because your expertise, work ethic, financial status, career, etc. are all good tools to enhance someone else's life. Where he or she may be weak you stand in the gap for them and vice versa. DO NOT reduce yourself to being something lesser for the benefit of others. You are deserving of a reciprocal partnership and your persona, accomplishments, and all the wonderful things that make you YOU should never be a deterrent. So, always work on being your best self because you are indeed an asset and not a liability. So, in the meantime continue to grow and build and accomplish all you set out to achieve. And while you are waiting on your partner to emerge remember to DateYourselfGirl!!!