Have you ever felt like you've been living your life like a revolving door? You know, the kind where you've allowed the men in your life to come in and out as they please? If you said "No" to this question then you are few in a sea of many. Here's how you can determine whether or not you are the never ending revolving door I speak of. You date someone for a few months and it ends but they come calling back because the sex was good or you catered to their other needs like paying for food, washing their clothes, or helping take care of home. Or maybe you dated someone for an extended period of time and you had the title of girlfriend but you spent many days breaking up to make up. Or you were abused mentally, emotionally, or physically but couldn't quite walk away because your mate would come back with excuses and apologies and you wanted so much to believe that he would change because you truly loved them. Well, I'm here to tell you that you are not alone. I dated a man for two years and when we ended we spent even more time and effort making plans on when we were going to hook up because the sexual chemistry was that magnetic. It was almost like an addiction. We could only go a couple months then we'd get that feeling...that craving for one another. Flying from state to state to have secret rendezvous and weekend getaways filled with great dining, fun excursions, and long nights of passionate love making. Hell, we did that for almost three years until I decided it was going nowhere fast.
All I was doing was setting myself up for heartbreak while he was simply getting his fix. So one day I decided to evaluate my past relationships and I began to notice a pattern. Date a guy for about eight months and then it ends but he comes back. Date a guy for three months and then it ends but he comes back. Date a guy for a year and it ends but he comes back. Sometimes it was almost immediate and sometimes months or even years would pass before they would resurface. At first it's very flattering to have a man come back after things went left. You feel like "Wow! He missed me and he's realized how much I meant to him." When in actuality it was just that the sex was good or you were his perpetual doormat or he messed up royally and wanted to clear his own conscience. Period. There was no real desire for him to rekindle that relationship and make good on all those promises of love, respect, and loyalty. See ladies, I've been there several times in my life, hell, I'm dealing with it right now. Why is it so hard to let go of someone or something that means you absolutely no good? That breaks your heart with disappointment every time you encounter it? For me it's because I like feeling desired and when these men would come back into my life it would make me feel more desirable, needed, WANTED. Especially after dealing with so much heartbreak and disappointment. They made me feel important...important enough to come back in my life to start all over again. At least that's the dream I sold myself because my heart and soul was starving for love even if it was dysfunctional. There were nights where I would pray for that person to come back to me so I could show them how much of an asset I could be to their lives. Not realizing that I was part of the reason things didn't work out. By me allowing them to come in and out of my life I continued to send the message that it was okay to be deceitful, abusive, and disrespectful because in the end I WILL forgive you and take you back. I spent many nights crying and asking God why this was happening to me and if He would deliver this person from me I will make better decisions in men. But as Pastor Andy Stanley said last week, in the second part of his Address the Mess sermon, "You cannot pray yourself out of a situation that you behaved your way into." So with that, I am prepared to make some personal changes. No more being a doormat for love...I only want to be with someone who has intentions of being honest about why he's in my life AND who has every intention on staying in my life and if things don't work out I want him to have every intention on staying OUT of my life. I'm not the revolving door for a man to get his rocks off. I have grown to value myself enough to let a dead situation Rest In Peace!!!