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Don't Settle Down, Settle Up

In this dating world things can get a little daunting. You meet someone who's attractive and has ambition, charisma, and swag but after a few weeks it seems to fizzle into nothingness. A few text conversations and likes on social media and that is basically the nature of your courtship, if you can even call it that. Bottom line is there's no real effort put into dating these days. No thought in where to go and absolutely no real romance. Like, ZERO romance. Just your typical dinner, movie, and mundane conversation. Oh and the getting to know each other process has basically been dumbed down to simply knowing ones name, if they are employed, how many children they have, and are they married/in a relationship/single. I have yet to meet someone who is genuinely interested in getting to know who I am. Like really get to know me and what my passions are and what drives me on a daily basis. This is kind of where the line gets drawn for me and alot of my girlfriends. And quite honestly we seem to get disappointed more often than not.

See, when I was in my twenties dating was fun and exciting. Even in my early thirties I felt a sense of excitement and intrigue. But now that I'm 35 plus, dating has become more like an occasional hook up as opposed to two people taking the time to build a friendship. Don't get me wrong, I can take myself out hence the blog DateYourselfGirl. I've been on solo helicopter rides, rock wall climbing, horseback riding, vacations, basketballs get my drift. I date myself! But as I've gotten older I have thought more and more about "Settling" for the sake of companionship. True enough I will be compromising certain standards but the nights are getting colder and colder and I don't want to spend my latter years alone. Having someone to share my life with has always been my desire. But as of late, finding that special someone hasn't been easy. I've been thrown into the sea of way too many "Hot Commodities". Those are the educated, professional brothas with all kinds of exciting things going on in their lives. Traveling abroad, owning businesses, learning different languages, developing new recreational skills, dining at the best restaurants, hanging out on rooftops and skyboxes and boats on the weekends...phew...he's just downright interesting and unavailable. Which leads to us dating those men who ARE available. Those guys who are the "Nice Guy" but lacks the ambition, drive, charisma, & swag we need to keep us stimulated. For example, I recently had a conversation with a friend and she said that she's ready to give up on her relationship. After a couple years of "Settling" she just doesn't have the desire to sustain the relationship any longer. He's a nice guy, respectful, thoughtful, hard working, family oriented, and good in bed so why would she want to give all that up? Well, quite frankly it's because he's content at being right where he is. There's no mental or emotional stimulation. She isn't being challenged to think outside of the box, to grown spiritually, nor does he have the capacity to introduce her to new and exciting things. Why? Because his scope of life experiences is very limited so she's left having to do all the work, thinking, & planning. That can get draining. As a woman we want someone who is able to expose us to new things like traveling abroad, the arts, fine & eclectic dining, adventures beyond our wildest dreams, different cultures, etc. We've had it with movies at the AMC, dinners at Taco Tuesday's, and sporting events at the local stadium. Where are those men who are well traveled, cultivated, entrepreneurial minded, stimulating, spiritually grounded, financially stable (Note, I didn't say RICH or WEALTHY...I said financially stable. You don't have to be monetarily rich in order to have all life has to offer.), and COMMITTAL?

Committal! I'm going to say it again, COMMITTAL!!! I have noticed that the men who are capable of providing the kind of stimulation I desire aren't ready to commit. They like having options and don't like commitments past a 90 day dating period. It's becoming a trend to meet a man that isn't interested in the getting to know you phase but more into the physical aspect of the relationship, if we can even call it a relationship. NO. Let's call it a "Situationship" because that's all it is, a SITUATION. But ladies, I say don't get discouraged by this because you should never settle for less than you deserve because you won't ever really be fulfilled. By settling you make it easier to get bored and out of boredom comes bad decisions. Companionship is the ultimate goal...A lifelong relationship...a partner. Don't sacrifice for a little when ultimately you want a lot. This may take more time than you anticipated but the best things do come to those who wait...So don't SETTLE DOWN, SETTLE UP!


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